May 22, 2010

Not for one minute....

I suppose that in the case of the violence in Bangkok, I was taking “if I ignore it, it will go away” approach. I’m sure, as I look back on it, I just couldn’t face that big of a challenge when we were so close. On Thursday morning, I opened my email and my whole world came crashing down around me. Simply stated.. the trip that I thought our adoption social workers were to make to Bangkok was cancelled indefinitely. It was at that point that I hit an emotional wall. That trip was supposed to be “the trip”. We were to receive paperwork from Thailand on the trip. Paperwork that we have been waiting an eternity for, and then some.
So, I called Chris looking for some support and sympathy, and he says. “I expected them to cancel their trip. Blah, blah, blah”. Not exactly what I was looking for babe, but thanks anyway. Now you have to realize that I didn’t want anyone to risk their lives, I was just so angry at the whole situation. I was angry at our agency for not putting more pressure on Thailand to get things done faster. I was angry at Thailand for taking so long. After all, she should have been here months ago, and then we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place. I was angry at my husband for being too calm and together about the whole thing. Most of all though, I had finally “had I”t with God. Don’t bother going back to reread it, you read it correctly, and it’s not a mistake. How could He lit this happen now? Hadn’t we been put through enough?
I’m the sinner, and God is perfect, so that only leaves me with one option regarding who is at fault here… When we get angry with God, it’s hard to confront that issue, but it’s true. The Bible says “God is not a man, that He should lie”. So, God can’t lie. So, when I read in Romans that all things work together for good for those who love God, and are CALLED according to HIS purpose. That is true.
So, the conclusion I have to come to is that the cancelation of this trip will work for our GOOD. What He is showing me, during this process, is that I am not in charge. I put my faith in that trip. For me, it became our ticket to Thailand. God is laying this out for His glory. She is coming home by Christmas, I have no doubt. God is going to have to restore peace to an entire nation to make that happen.

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