So, it’s really happening now. Our lives are changing forever. It’s a change that will make us a family of 5, and make Chris and me the parents of 3 kids! It will forever change the life of a little girl who has grown up never knowing the love of a family, or the safety and security of parents who love her unconditionally.
We aren’t looking at this situation through rose colored glasses though. We do realize that there will be challenges ahead. God doesn’t promise us that life will be free of problems. He only promises that He will be there to walk with us through the problems. God has carried us the entire way through this process despite how difficult it has been. The waiting has been long, the paperwork has been ridiculous, and the overall stress has been crushing at times. However, God has been with us, and carried us through the process. He has made a way in the most difficult of circumstances. The money has been there whenever it has been needed, and every obligation has been met. The long months that have turned to years, have been heartbreaking, but we have always had peace that God was in control. That is something that is priceless.
As we wind down this process and prepare for our daughter’s homecoming, I’m reminded of some past emotions that I have not dealt with. I really thought I had dealt with all the anger I had towards Chris’s family, but I obviously have not.
Chris was given up for adoption by a teenage mother, and was adopted by his adoptive parents when he was 10 months old. His adoptive father divorced his adoptive mother when Chris was 18 months old, and has had very little to do with Chris ever since. Chris hasn’t seen him since he was about 15 years old. His adoptive mother was mentally and physically ill all during his childhood. They had very little money, and Chris often went without essentials like food. His mother was verbally abusive, and very controlling. She was ugly and hateful, and very self serving. She made the lives of everyone around her miserable.
To make matter worse for Chris, his mother’s sister, brother, and parents expected him to bare the brunt of the responsibility for his mother’s care. Her uncontrolled diabetes led to her having her leg amputated, and months in and out of the hospital. Chris bore the brunt of her care, both at home and in the hospital. He was responsible for going to work, school, and caring for her. She refused to follow doctor’s orders, so her health only worsened.
After Chris and I met, her control became more bizarre and excessive. She would face illness, and make ridiculous and unreasonable demands . She made every attempt to break us up by calling me every name in the book. She told our entire church that I was trying to get Chris to sleep with me before we were married. She told me that if Chris and I ever did marry, we would surely end up divorcing. I still carry the pain of some of those professions to this day. What was supposed to be a very joyful time for us, was, in reality, a nightmare.
As we prepared for our wedding, Chris’s aunt joined in the cause of the nightmare. She felt that, if we married, the responsibility for Chris’s mother (her sister) would fall on her and her husband. This was something she definitely didn’t want. She would have rather seen Chris sacrifice his life and future to ensure that she was not stuck with any responsibilities that she didn’t want. She made her feeling about our marriage quite clear. She was the most miserable person you would have ever wanted to meet on our wedding day. So much so, that her husband actually apologized to me, saying she is just worried about who was going to care for Chris’s mom now. They are all fortunate we didn’t just tell them where they could shove it, and disappear off the face of the earth, after the wedding.
Chris’s mother’s health deteriorated to the point that she ended up in a nursing home shortly after we were married. She died within about 5 years of our wedding. By that time, both the boys had been born, and we had been transferred to Georgia. When she became very ill, Chris was left to make all the decisions, and the family stepped back. We also were responsible for the funeral arrangements and costs. Once all the arrangements were made, then the family chipped in some money towards the costs. She had no life insurance, and no money whatsoever. We had to borrow money from my parents to pay for her funeral.
Since her death, Chris’s “family” has made no effort to keep in contact with him. They don’t even send him a card on his birthday. When we travel to Ohio, we call his aunt and uncle, and we usually meet them for dinner somewhere. They tell him he’s just like a son to them, but they don’t even send him a birthday card. We only see them because we initiate the visit. Now that my parents are selling their house in Ohio, we won’t be traveling back there anymore. So, I’m sure we will lose contact with them altogether.
Chris is fairly indifferent about the whole thing because he said he has always been treated different by the “family”. So, now that his mom is gone, their true feelings are just showing through. It makes me angry though. I just can’t imagine that anyone could treat my husband that way. They’ve missed the opportunity to get to know a wonderful man. His life wasn’t a mistake, and it wasn’t disposable. He wasn’t around just for the convenience of others. He did have a right to a life and a future. He should have been treated as if he were born into the family.
As parents, it is very important to both of us that our daughter be treated as just exactly that.. our daughter. We have already stressed that to everyone in the family. It is critical that she be treated no differently than the boys regarding gifts, and family privileges. Chris is the first one to say that she isn’t going to feel like the odd “man” out.
Part of what God is showing me right now, is that I have to forgive Chris’s family for the hurt that they caused us both all those years ago, and thank God for what it has taught me. We have learned so much of what not to do to an adopted child through the experiences that Chris went through growing up. God has used those painful experiences to mold us into the perfect parents for this sweet little girl that God has always planned to be our daughter. I pray that God will help me to forgive the hurt, and turn it into strength.
God has a marvelous way of turning the ashes of our lives into something beautiful!
Aug 8, 2010
Jul 19, 2010
Oh me of little faith!
There are times in our lives when we are given a glimpse of the reasons why we have to travel the rough roads, to get to where God wants us to go. This adoption has been. For us, a very rough road. It has been filled with frustration, doubt, and hardest of all, waiting. When God gives us a directive, and we proceed forward, despite what others may say, somehow we feel as though we are standing alone when God doesn’t seem to back us up as quickly as we, or our critics think He should. We begin to question whether we really did hear from the Lord, or if we somehow dreamed the entire thing up for selfish gain and impure motives.
That is where I was last week at this time. So unsure about what God was trying to tell me to do regarding the adoption. I felt very strongly, and Chris agreed, that we were not to update our home study, but why? It didn’t really make sense if I really thought about it. Was it worth the risk of losing her after all these months of waiting? What about those who had donated financially to help us bring her home? Didn’t we owe it to them to continue? Do whatever it takes to get her home? Lord, what are you trying to say here? I knew though, that He was speaking very clearly about this, and from past experience, I knew better than to be disobedient.
To make a long and extremely complicated situation very short, there was a critical error in our United States Immigration Adoption paperwork that no one had discovered. It enabled us to adopt a child, but not a child with special needs. *W* is blind, and has always been blind. When we went to file for permission to adopt her specifically, it would have been denied. This denial would have been catastrophic for our adoption process. It would have literally sent us back to square one. If I had not refused to update our home study, our adoption agency social worker wouldn’t have found the error. She discovered it when she was looking through our file and researching whether we needed to update or not.
Now, there is no question. We most certainly do have to update the homestudy to correct the error and add the special needs provision. Of course, we now know that God was prompting this so the error would be found, and the adoption could proceed without any delay. If we had just gone ahead and updated, the error would have not been discovered, our application would have been denied, and we would have been forced to start again.
The Lord knew that we would take that denial, if it had happened, as a closed door, and would not pursue the adoption any further. We would have taken it as a sign that God was closing the door. A perfect example of God not testing us beyond what we can stand. The other thing to consider here is, if her paperwork would have come any sooner, the application would have been denied because the initial immigration paperwork, with the error, was not ready to expire. So, no one would have even looked at it before it was sent in. Again, it would have been rejected and we would have been back to square one.
Aside from no error whatsoever, this is the best possible scenario. It involves the least amount of money for us, and will take very little time to correct. Thankfully, we have a new social worker at our agency who is very on top of things. She makes sure things get done right. She is very careful, and exact. She is wonderful!!
I can only say that God has His hands all over this process, and I am amazed and humbled at His grace and love for us and our daughter! May we never forget how God has been faithful through this entire process, and may it be a precious treasure to *W*. That she may know always that she was chosen, not just by us, but by God.
That is where I was last week at this time. So unsure about what God was trying to tell me to do regarding the adoption. I felt very strongly, and Chris agreed, that we were not to update our home study, but why? It didn’t really make sense if I really thought about it. Was it worth the risk of losing her after all these months of waiting? What about those who had donated financially to help us bring her home? Didn’t we owe it to them to continue? Do whatever it takes to get her home? Lord, what are you trying to say here? I knew though, that He was speaking very clearly about this, and from past experience, I knew better than to be disobedient.
To make a long and extremely complicated situation very short, there was a critical error in our United States Immigration Adoption paperwork that no one had discovered. It enabled us to adopt a child, but not a child with special needs. *W* is blind, and has always been blind. When we went to file for permission to adopt her specifically, it would have been denied. This denial would have been catastrophic for our adoption process. It would have literally sent us back to square one. If I had not refused to update our home study, our adoption agency social worker wouldn’t have found the error. She discovered it when she was looking through our file and researching whether we needed to update or not.
Now, there is no question. We most certainly do have to update the homestudy to correct the error and add the special needs provision. Of course, we now know that God was prompting this so the error would be found, and the adoption could proceed without any delay. If we had just gone ahead and updated, the error would have not been discovered, our application would have been denied, and we would have been forced to start again.
The Lord knew that we would take that denial, if it had happened, as a closed door, and would not pursue the adoption any further. We would have taken it as a sign that God was closing the door. A perfect example of God not testing us beyond what we can stand. The other thing to consider here is, if her paperwork would have come any sooner, the application would have been denied because the initial immigration paperwork, with the error, was not ready to expire. So, no one would have even looked at it before it was sent in. Again, it would have been rejected and we would have been back to square one.
Aside from no error whatsoever, this is the best possible scenario. It involves the least amount of money for us, and will take very little time to correct. Thankfully, we have a new social worker at our agency who is very on top of things. She makes sure things get done right. She is very careful, and exact. She is wonderful!!
I can only say that God has His hands all over this process, and I am amazed and humbled at His grace and love for us and our daughter! May we never forget how God has been faithful through this entire process, and may it be a precious treasure to *W*. That she may know always that she was chosen, not just by us, but by God.
Jul 14, 2010
Fish or cut bait
After much prayer and struggle, we have made a difficult decision. We have decided not to renew our homstudy, which probably doesn’t mean much to some of you. We’ve already renewed our homestudy once, and we really don’t want to go through it again. The homestudy is a collection of documents including criminal background checks, medical history, drug tests, police clearances, 911 records, and home visits from a social worker. Most of the process is just paperwork and time consuming. The biggest issue we have with renewing it again is the cost. It runs about $1,300 for each renewal plus the processing of the background checks, etc. This is money we really need to pay for the trip to Thailand.
The part that is most frustrating for us, is that the paperwork we need from Thailand is probably sitting on someone’s desk, just being ignored. We feel that, as adoptive parents, we get no respect whatsoever, from Thailand. Who cares if the family has to spent thousands of extra dollars… Who cares if it takes years until we get the paperwork together fo the family to travel. After all, we’re giving them a child, right? Well, I’m fed up with the total disregard that the DSDW has for us and our feelings.
The bottom line is this.. Our USCIS I-800A approval expires in November. In order to renew it, we would need an updated homestudy. If we receive our “To Whom It May Concern Letter” and updated background, we can apply for our I-800 and we won’t need to update our homestudy. If we don’t receive those documents, and we don’t update our homestudy, our I-800A will expire. The bottom line is that we have waited 14 months for this paperwork, and if it doesn’t show up by the time our I-800A is due to expire, we are going to let it expire.
We have invested so much time, money, and emotional energy into this adoption, and it breaks my heart to think that it might end this way. However, we can’t and won’t keep going indefinitely. What was supposed to be a short process has turned into a nightmare. If God is in this, and if it is His will, then He will make it happen before the paperwork expires.
We are praying that God will open doors that no man can close, and close doors no man can open. It’s in God’s hands now. What a nightmare this process has been!! If I could say one thing to couples thinking of entering the Thai program, I would say…RUN!! Don’t do it!! Adopt from a country that actually wants to see the kids get into their adoptive homes. Either way, the journey will come to an end by the end of the year.
The part that is most frustrating for us, is that the paperwork we need from Thailand is probably sitting on someone’s desk, just being ignored. We feel that, as adoptive parents, we get no respect whatsoever, from Thailand. Who cares if the family has to spent thousands of extra dollars… Who cares if it takes years until we get the paperwork together fo the family to travel. After all, we’re giving them a child, right? Well, I’m fed up with the total disregard that the DSDW has for us and our feelings.
The bottom line is this.. Our USCIS I-800A approval expires in November. In order to renew it, we would need an updated homestudy. If we receive our “To Whom It May Concern Letter” and updated background, we can apply for our I-800 and we won’t need to update our homestudy. If we don’t receive those documents, and we don’t update our homestudy, our I-800A will expire. The bottom line is that we have waited 14 months for this paperwork, and if it doesn’t show up by the time our I-800A is due to expire, we are going to let it expire.
We have invested so much time, money, and emotional energy into this adoption, and it breaks my heart to think that it might end this way. However, we can’t and won’t keep going indefinitely. What was supposed to be a short process has turned into a nightmare. If God is in this, and if it is His will, then He will make it happen before the paperwork expires.
We are praying that God will open doors that no man can close, and close doors no man can open. It’s in God’s hands now. What a nightmare this process has been!! If I could say one thing to couples thinking of entering the Thai program, I would say…RUN!! Don’t do it!! Adopt from a country that actually wants to see the kids get into their adoptive homes. Either way, the journey will come to an end by the end of the year.
Jun 6, 2010
Trial by Fire.
JOB 23:10
But he knows where I am going. And when he tests me, I will come out as pure as gold.
The Lord brought this verse to my mind this week as I was reflecting on the long wait we’ve endured, and how I felt about it. I belong to an email support group for parents who are adopting from Thailand, so emails come in my inbox from people who are in all different phases of the adoption process. Honestly, when people join the group and introduce themselves, part of me wants to scream “Stop! Turn back! Don’t do it!” I want to tell them that the wait will be longer than they ever expected. That once you get attached to a child, there’s no turning back. I want to say that it may seem easy at the beginning, when you are busy with paperwork, but it becomes so much harder than you can imagine when the real waiting starts. Then I’m reminded of why we started this process in the first place…
The reality is, that God has called us to this adoption. God’s callings are not always easy, in fact, most often far from it. In the midst of this process, God is trying to teach me several things. First, it’s not all about me. The waiting has been hard…for me. I spent too much time focusing on how hard it was on me, and not enough time trusting God. The waiting is a time of testing, and I want to come out as pure as gold! I want to learn what God wants me to learn. I know I’ve fallen short so many times. Every time things looked grim, I fell apart just like an Israelite. Thankfully, God is forgiving and patient!
People ask us all the time if we will adopt from Thailand again (which is odd because we haven’t even retrieved #1 yet!). My first reaction to that question was…NO WAY!!.. God has really convicted me about that. All my reasons for saying “NEVER AGAIN” are totally selfish. They have to do with me not wanting to go through the wait and uncertainty again. Again, this brings me back to being willing to do whatever God asks me to do, no matter what. I’m not saying God is asking us to adopt again. I’m just saying that God is telling me not to rule anything out. Allow Him to be in charge, and all will work together for good.
In the mean time, I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the realness of our daughter. I know it must sound so weird to those of you who have not adopted before, but there is this disconnect of sorts from the fact that we are dealing with a real child. So, I’m starting to buy clothes and toys, and things that make this feel more real to me. Even if it’s just garage Sale items that are inexpensive, that helps me feel more connected to her. We’re collecting books that make noise, and books that have textured pictures. I’m also collecting children’s read along books on tape and CD. All of these little projects help me stay focused, and give me something to do during this final stretch. Getting ready for her to come home sure helps make things feel a lot less like playing house!
But he knows where I am going. And when he tests me, I will come out as pure as gold.
The Lord brought this verse to my mind this week as I was reflecting on the long wait we’ve endured, and how I felt about it. I belong to an email support group for parents who are adopting from Thailand, so emails come in my inbox from people who are in all different phases of the adoption process. Honestly, when people join the group and introduce themselves, part of me wants to scream “Stop! Turn back! Don’t do it!” I want to tell them that the wait will be longer than they ever expected. That once you get attached to a child, there’s no turning back. I want to say that it may seem easy at the beginning, when you are busy with paperwork, but it becomes so much harder than you can imagine when the real waiting starts. Then I’m reminded of why we started this process in the first place…
The reality is, that God has called us to this adoption. God’s callings are not always easy, in fact, most often far from it. In the midst of this process, God is trying to teach me several things. First, it’s not all about me. The waiting has been hard…for me. I spent too much time focusing on how hard it was on me, and not enough time trusting God. The waiting is a time of testing, and I want to come out as pure as gold! I want to learn what God wants me to learn. I know I’ve fallen short so many times. Every time things looked grim, I fell apart just like an Israelite. Thankfully, God is forgiving and patient!
People ask us all the time if we will adopt from Thailand again (which is odd because we haven’t even retrieved #1 yet!). My first reaction to that question was…NO WAY!!.. God has really convicted me about that. All my reasons for saying “NEVER AGAIN” are totally selfish. They have to do with me not wanting to go through the wait and uncertainty again. Again, this brings me back to being willing to do whatever God asks me to do, no matter what. I’m not saying God is asking us to adopt again. I’m just saying that God is telling me not to rule anything out. Allow Him to be in charge, and all will work together for good.
In the mean time, I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the realness of our daughter. I know it must sound so weird to those of you who have not adopted before, but there is this disconnect of sorts from the fact that we are dealing with a real child. So, I’m starting to buy clothes and toys, and things that make this feel more real to me. Even if it’s just garage Sale items that are inexpensive, that helps me feel more connected to her. We’re collecting books that make noise, and books that have textured pictures. I’m also collecting children’s read along books on tape and CD. All of these little projects help me stay focused, and give me something to do during this final stretch. Getting ready for her to come home sure helps make things feel a lot less like playing house!
May 28, 2010
Moving Forward...Now What??
We’re moving forward now, and while that’s so exciting, it’s frightening too. I guess that sounds strange to most of you. We’ve been in this state of limbo for so long where absolutely nothing was moving forward. It became very easy to sort of disconnect from the reality of the situation and get lost in the long months of waiting. When you get stuck in the quagmire of a lengthy adoption process, it’s easy to get wrapped up in the process, and forget about the product.
So, here we are actually moving forward! So, my thoughts start moving towards the practicalities of bringing *W* home, and the simple logistics that will be involved in our daily life. I use a guide dog for mobility. As far as we know, *W* has had no formal mobility training in Thailand. We plan to bring her a cane when we go get her. However, I haven’t quite worked out how we’re going to move from place to place effectively, as a family, yet. We’re taking a jog stroller to Thailand as well, because from what I’ve heard the streets are very dangerous and chaotic. People drive wildly, and we don’t want to lose her before we leave the country!
The boys and I have been visiting my parents at their home in Venice, Florida. We’ve been going to the beach, and swimming in the pool. We’ve also been shopping and going out to eat quite a bit. So, this again brings up the thought of how exactly are we going to pull this off smoothly once *W* gets here. I must admit that, at this moment, I’m not sure how it’s all going to work. I’m glad both my boys are older and don’t mind helping out. When I was her age, I went everywhere sighted guide, so that may be the option that works best until she gets older. She can hold onto carts in stores, and she can start using her cane in areas that will be easy for her to navigate. She’s still a tiny little thing, so we’ll use a stroller at times too.
Of course, our other big concern is her emotional well being during the transition time. I can’t imagine how hard it is for these kids to be uprooted from everything they’ve ever known. We see it as a life with no future, and it is that for certain. These kids don’t think in those terms though. They just think like every other child. They are used to their life as it is, and they are attached to those who care for them. The way these adoptions are handled make things very traumatic and difficult on the kids. We will essentially show up at the children’s home, be introduced to *W* as her parents, and we will leave with her. We may take her back to say goodbye one more time. Otherwise, that’s all there is to it. She will be prepared in advance for our arrival, but nothing can really prepare a child for the huge change that is about to come.
We are praying and believe that God will give her peace beyond understanding during this difficult time. We are praying that she will bond with us immediately, and that she will rest knowing that she is safe, protected and loved. We are praying for grace and love and patience as we undertake this next part of our lives. We will need wisdom and guidance as we love this little girl and lead her to Jesus.
Melissa
So, here we are actually moving forward! So, my thoughts start moving towards the practicalities of bringing *W* home, and the simple logistics that will be involved in our daily life. I use a guide dog for mobility. As far as we know, *W* has had no formal mobility training in Thailand. We plan to bring her a cane when we go get her. However, I haven’t quite worked out how we’re going to move from place to place effectively, as a family, yet. We’re taking a jog stroller to Thailand as well, because from what I’ve heard the streets are very dangerous and chaotic. People drive wildly, and we don’t want to lose her before we leave the country!
The boys and I have been visiting my parents at their home in Venice, Florida. We’ve been going to the beach, and swimming in the pool. We’ve also been shopping and going out to eat quite a bit. So, this again brings up the thought of how exactly are we going to pull this off smoothly once *W* gets here. I must admit that, at this moment, I’m not sure how it’s all going to work. I’m glad both my boys are older and don’t mind helping out. When I was her age, I went everywhere sighted guide, so that may be the option that works best until she gets older. She can hold onto carts in stores, and she can start using her cane in areas that will be easy for her to navigate. She’s still a tiny little thing, so we’ll use a stroller at times too.
Of course, our other big concern is her emotional well being during the transition time. I can’t imagine how hard it is for these kids to be uprooted from everything they’ve ever known. We see it as a life with no future, and it is that for certain. These kids don’t think in those terms though. They just think like every other child. They are used to their life as it is, and they are attached to those who care for them. The way these adoptions are handled make things very traumatic and difficult on the kids. We will essentially show up at the children’s home, be introduced to *W* as her parents, and we will leave with her. We may take her back to say goodbye one more time. Otherwise, that’s all there is to it. She will be prepared in advance for our arrival, but nothing can really prepare a child for the huge change that is about to come.
We are praying and believe that God will give her peace beyond understanding during this difficult time. We are praying that she will bond with us immediately, and that she will rest knowing that she is safe, protected and loved. We are praying for grace and love and patience as we undertake this next part of our lives. We will need wisdom and guidance as we love this little girl and lead her to Jesus.
Melissa
May 23, 2010
The Good News!!
T have to apologize because you didn’t get the full story yesterday. I always write my blogs on Word then coy and paste them to Blogspot. Well, the entire blog didn’t make it, so you missed the best part! I can only assume that God intended for this news to have a blog entry all it’s own.
I had my hopes pinned on this trip that our agency was making to Thailand because we were waiting for specific paperwork from Thailand. To make it easy for you, so you aren’t bored to tears, don’t fall asleep, and so I don’t have to write a novel; I’m just going to number the steps. We were waiting for step one of 3. We received news on Thursday evening that Thailand basically skipped over step 1, went on to 2, and that will generate step 3. They will include the paperwork from step 1 with step 3. Our agency social workers were baffled by this sudden disregard for the order in which things “must” be done. Thailand NEVER does things out of order or in a combined manner as they have done in our case. This is confusing, but it is GOOD news! The cancellation of our agency’s trip in early June may work out perfectly for us. They will then be able to pick up all of our paperwork including our “To Whom it May Concern” letter. This is the last piece of paperwork we need from Thailand, before we travel. I’m not sure if I can stress enough how miraculous this is!!
I had my hopes pinned on this trip that our agency was making to Thailand because we were waiting for specific paperwork from Thailand. To make it easy for you, so you aren’t bored to tears, don’t fall asleep, and so I don’t have to write a novel; I’m just going to number the steps. We were waiting for step one of 3. We received news on Thursday evening that Thailand basically skipped over step 1, went on to 2, and that will generate step 3. They will include the paperwork from step 1 with step 3. Our agency social workers were baffled by this sudden disregard for the order in which things “must” be done. Thailand NEVER does things out of order or in a combined manner as they have done in our case. This is confusing, but it is GOOD news! The cancellation of our agency’s trip in early June may work out perfectly for us. They will then be able to pick up all of our paperwork including our “To Whom it May Concern” letter. This is the last piece of paperwork we need from Thailand, before we travel. I’m not sure if I can stress enough how miraculous this is!!
May 22, 2010
Not for one minute....
I suppose that in the case of the violence in Bangkok, I was taking “if I ignore it, it will go away” approach. I’m sure, as I look back on it, I just couldn’t face that big of a challenge when we were so close. On Thursday morning, I opened my email and my whole world came crashing down around me. Simply stated.. the trip that I thought our adoption social workers were to make to Bangkok was cancelled indefinitely. It was at that point that I hit an emotional wall. That trip was supposed to be “the trip”. We were to receive paperwork from Thailand on the trip. Paperwork that we have been waiting an eternity for, and then some.
So, I called Chris looking for some support and sympathy, and he says. “I expected them to cancel their trip. Blah, blah, blah”. Not exactly what I was looking for babe, but thanks anyway. Now you have to realize that I didn’t want anyone to risk their lives, I was just so angry at the whole situation. I was angry at our agency for not putting more pressure on Thailand to get things done faster. I was angry at Thailand for taking so long. After all, she should have been here months ago, and then we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place. I was angry at my husband for being too calm and together about the whole thing. Most of all though, I had finally “had I”t with God. Don’t bother going back to reread it, you read it correctly, and it’s not a mistake. How could He lit this happen now? Hadn’t we been put through enough?
I’m the sinner, and God is perfect, so that only leaves me with one option regarding who is at fault here… When we get angry with God, it’s hard to confront that issue, but it’s true. The Bible says “God is not a man, that He should lie”. So, God can’t lie. So, when I read in Romans that all things work together for good for those who love God, and are CALLED according to HIS purpose. That is true.
So, the conclusion I have to come to is that the cancelation of this trip will work for our GOOD. What He is showing me, during this process, is that I am not in charge. I put my faith in that trip. For me, it became our ticket to Thailand. God is laying this out for His glory. She is coming home by Christmas, I have no doubt. God is going to have to restore peace to an entire nation to make that happen.
So, I called Chris looking for some support and sympathy, and he says. “I expected them to cancel their trip. Blah, blah, blah”. Not exactly what I was looking for babe, but thanks anyway. Now you have to realize that I didn’t want anyone to risk their lives, I was just so angry at the whole situation. I was angry at our agency for not putting more pressure on Thailand to get things done faster. I was angry at Thailand for taking so long. After all, she should have been here months ago, and then we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place. I was angry at my husband for being too calm and together about the whole thing. Most of all though, I had finally “had I”t with God. Don’t bother going back to reread it, you read it correctly, and it’s not a mistake. How could He lit this happen now? Hadn’t we been put through enough?
I’m the sinner, and God is perfect, so that only leaves me with one option regarding who is at fault here… When we get angry with God, it’s hard to confront that issue, but it’s true. The Bible says “God is not a man, that He should lie”. So, God can’t lie. So, when I read in Romans that all things work together for good for those who love God, and are CALLED according to HIS purpose. That is true.
So, the conclusion I have to come to is that the cancelation of this trip will work for our GOOD. What He is showing me, during this process, is that I am not in charge. I put my faith in that trip. For me, it became our ticket to Thailand. God is laying this out for His glory. She is coming home by Christmas, I have no doubt. God is going to have to restore peace to an entire nation to make that happen.
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